Beans
by bottlecaps
Summary: Random Insanity involving Tyson, Rei, Max, Tala, and even Kai. Be warned: Once the can of beans has been opened, nothing will ever be the same again. Get your gas masks out!
1. Kai's Revenge

**This is my first attempt at humor so go ahead and review and tell me what a sucky ass job I did. Today's victim is Kai. He will be the subject of... much torture and amusement (at least for me). And I would love to make a little conversation with my newfound... toy today but I suck at those even more so I decided to spare your sanity. (Poor Kai. By the time I'm done with him, he won't have any left) **

**Disclaimer: I do own Beyblades. Unfortunately, they're the plushie kind.**

"Hey guys! Dinner's ready!" Rei shouted upstairs from the kitchen.

Kai was busy giving Tyson a blow job in his room upstairs. He shivered in delight as Tyson's body writhed beneath his, moaning softly. A/N: NOT!

Kai was alone in his room with the door locked in safety. Max and Tyson had somehow managed to get ahold of some sugar and were currently chasing the "purple bunnies" that had escaped from underneath Tyson's bed. _'Feh!' _he thought to himself. _'The only bunnies under Tyson's bed are dust bunnies.' _

He tip-toed quietly across the room and placed his ear against the door. Hearing nothing, he decided that the coast was clear and opened the door slowly. One crimson eye peeked out, searching carefully for the signs of two hyperactive teens. Nothing. He let out a sigh of relief and stepped into the hallway. Just then the door to Tyson's room slammed open and two laughing and giggling blurs collided head on with Kai, sending him to the floor in a crash.

"What did we hit Maxie?" Tyson asked, currently unaware of his position.

"I don't know!" Max giggled back. Suddenly he felt something move beneath him.

"Get the hell off me NOW!" yelled a cold voice. Tyson and Max paled visibly, swallowed, and looked down to find an extremely pissed-off Kai. Max was sitting on his legs, but Tyson was straddling Kai's waste and by the looks of it, wasn't very pleased.

"Ahhhhhhhhh! Kai's gonna kill us. Run for our lives!" Tyson and Max screamed simultaneously. They jumped up and ran screaming bloody murder down the hallway. Kai stood and brushed off his pants angrily. _'Stupid little brats. They messed up my hair. They shall pay for that, after dinner.' _Kai licked his hand and smoothed down his hair as best as he could. At last he was satisfied and then walked downstairs into the kitchen. A surprising sight met his eyes.

Max and Tyson each hung onto one of Rei's legs, trying to hide themselves from the wrath of Kai.

"P-please Rei! Don't let him kill us!" Max begged for all he was worth.

"Y-y-yeah. It was only an accident. Save us from the Kai of Doom!" Tyson said tearily. He hugged Rei's leg even tighter and refused to let go. Rei sighed and placed his hands on his hips in a very feminine way.

"If you don't get off me right now, I guess you won't eat dinner than. What a shame. I made your favorite bean and cheese tacos too." Rei shook his head.

Max and Tyson released Rei's legs, which by now had started to turn a strange bluish color and hopped to a chair. They sat down next to each other and kept a wary eye on Kai the entire time they ate.

Kai smiled to himself inside his mind. _'I shall have my revenge!' _he thought evilly as he piled beans onto his plate.

30 minutes later, all the dishes had been washed and Rei was sitting outside on the wooden porch swing with a hot cup of coffee. Kai went to the restroom. He laughed manically to noone in particular as his stomach rumbled. He then decided that the best way to extract his revenge would be in the living room.

Kai smiled as the rumblings increased. And then... all hell broke loose. Kai let the first one roll; a silent but deadly. That was quickly followed by a long, loud explosion of rectal flatulence. The thumping upstairs temporarily ceased as the sound traveled throughout the house. Then they continued.

Kai walked quietly up the stairs, letting two small farts escape. He neared the door to Tyson's room and began to hear laughter and mumbled talking. _'Completely unsuspecting prey. They shall perish beneath my deadly friend.' _

Kai slammed the door open and shouted "Boo!" Max and Tyson screamed like girls, jumped 7 into the air, and hit their heads on the ceiling.

"Oh, its just you Kai..." Tyson began but was interrupted by a sudden loud blast. An insane grin spread over Kai's face and he turned around, exposing his clothed rear end to the two confused teens.

"Fire at will!" Kai shouted. He let out two sbd's and then a loud noise, like a firecracker going off, erupted from his bottom. Quickly, he shut the door and then held it from the outside. A few seconds later, he heard screams.

"Oh my God! It smells like something died in here. Let me out before I puke." cried Max. He banged on the door. Tyson gagged and choked.

"He's not gonna let us out. We're gonna die because Kai farted!" Tyson said, banging his head on the door.

"I...can't breathe." gasped Max, clutching his chest. He was starting to turn a very ugly shade of green.

"Maxie, No! Don't leave me, buddy!" Tyson shook his friend by the shoulders.

"I'll save you, Maxie." he grabbed his now fully incapacitated friend and dragged him to the bedside window. Tyson flung it open, hugged Max to his body, and jumped the two stories down to the very hard ground below.

Rei was still sitting on the wooden porch swing, drinking his coffee slowly. The loud noises created by Max and Tyson had stopped for quite a while already. _'I don't think they would have gone to bed this early. It's only 6:30...'_

His thoughts were interrupted by an ear-splitting scream and a loud thud. A hole five feet deep and in the shape of a person imprinted the ground near him. He glanced briefly over his shoulder as two moans escaped from the hole's depth.

"Ouch!" cried two voices together.

Rei walked over to the hole and peered down, trying to hide a small hint of amusement.

"I can breathe!" cried Max dramatically with a hand over his forehead. He jumped up and pulled himself out of the hole.

"Ow. Don't forget who you're stepping on, Maxie." Tyson yelped. He sat up dizzily and a blurry hand reached out for him. He grasped it and felt himself being lifted upward.

Tyson saw daylight, something he never thought he would see again. Suddenly, he passed out. Max did the same a few seconds later. Rei shook his head and dragged the two motionless bodies inside the house.

He saw Kai sitting on the couch reading a newspaper, but he could tell by the way it was shaking that Kai was actually laughing behind it.

"That wasn't exactly necessary, Kai Hiwatari." Rei told him sternly.

Kai stopped laughing and looked at Rei. A completely innocent look crossed his face.

"Who, me? I have no idea what you are talking about." Kai said lightly.

"Kai." Rei warned.

"You have no proof." Kai crossed his arms over his chest. Suddenly his stomach rumbled guiltily. "Fire!" he yelled. A huge gigantic fart shook the house. If you looked hard enough, you could see thin green smoke coming out from behind his posterior.(a.k.a. his butt.)

"Help me!" Rei clutched his throat. He sank noiselessly to the ground unconscious.

Kai folded the newspaper, slung his victims over his shoulder, and climbed upstairs. He threw each of them onto their own bed and locked the doors. Then he barricaded them all shut with several chairs.

Kai giggled and then a huge grin spread across his face. _'There is only one more thing to do.'_ he thought and then giggled again.

He ran to his room, pulled out his boom box, and grabbed his beloved Shania Twain cd. He carried them downstairs and set them up.

Halfway down the block, Shania Twain's 'UP!' was heard at maximum volume. Kai laughed insanely and jumped on top of a table. With an empty toilet paper roll in one hand, Kai began to belt out the words to the song. In a strangely on-key voice.

**The end! Well, what did you think? Was it funny? Should I write another chapter? Tell me when you push the lovely little button below this. See ya!**


	2. Tidy Whities

**Wow! Exactly 5 reviews.This is chapter is dedicated to all the lovely, kind-hearted people who reviewed and thought my story was funny. I thought and thought, and decided that this chapter's victim of indignity will be Max Tate. Thank you's go to:**

**Moonwarrior12: I have obliged my dear friend. I hope you think this chapter is even better than last.**

**Taysia: glad you do. Here is chapter two. (Hey I made a rhyme!)**

**BeyMistress05: I didn't know they made sweet cheezits. Where! Just joking. Thanks for your review and I hope you like this chapter as well.**

**Astera Snape: I bottlecaps, shall not be found guilty of any deaths due to reading this story with the consumption of food. just thought you might wanna know!**

**CrimsonSkye06: Thank you so much and I would be pleased to write as many chapters for this story as possible.**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own beyblades.**

**Chapter2: Tidy Whities.**

The events that had occurred earlier in the day had simply been shrugged off as too much stress on Kai. Even now as he sat happily in the living room playing with small plastic toy cars, his teammates accepted the strange behavior. (Little did they know that soon, they would all become insane due to me)

Max was in the kitchen making himself a peanut butter and pickle sandwich when a completely inappropriate thought smacked him on the side of his head. Literally. Max peeled a pair of soaking wet boxers off of his face and looked to see a grinning Kai.

"Just let it go, Max. I don't really think there is anything you can do about it. He just needs time and I'm sure he will go back to his regular grumpy self." Rei said.

Max turned to Rei as he finished speaking.

"I know." said Max. "Its just so... creepy seeing him like this."

Kai ran off to go play with the "purple bunnies" he said were back underneath Tyson's bed. Rei left Max alone in the kitchen to eat his sandwich. Once he was gone, Max smiled. A small creepy smile. _'Thanks, Kai. Somehow I think I needed that.' _He finished his sandwich and then quickly made a list of the things he was going to need.

Then he found his wallet, pulled out a twenty, and snuck out of the house to the store just around the corner.

Nobody noticed Max's sudden disappearance or his reappearance ten minutes later. Dinner was, for the most part, uneventful. Rei only had to tell Kai twice that his hot dog "airplanes" were not meant to fly. Afterwards, Max slipped off unnoticeably to his room, muttering incoherently.

Once in his room, safely hidden behind the locked door, Max began his secret plot. Nightfall came slowly for Max, but he smiled gleefully as a silvery crescent moon rose into the sky. He listened quietly as sounds of snoring were emitted from Tyson's room next door. Max added a large, black, wooden cap and grinned at his appearance in the mirror he had attached to his door.

He grabbed his little backpack and stealthily crept into Tyson's room. He shone a small flashlight into several drawers before he found what he was looking for and couldn't help but stifle a small laugh. These were Tyson's? The flashlight showed four turtles dressed up in armor, each wielding a weapon. 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Max read slowly and sniggered again.

He snuck soundlessly out of the room, stuffed all of Tyson's boxers into and picked up an imaginary pager. "Phase one completed successfully. Phase two, began." he whispered into it and released a small childish laughter. Sneaking into Kai's room proved to be a challenge. It seemed even in his sleep, Kai planned his pranks.

"Put that pillow over Rei's door tomorrow." Kai mumbled to himself before turning over.

Max laughed softly and found his target easily: several pairs of 'Care Bears.' underwear in shades of blue, green, and pink. "Cheer Bear, Grumpy Bear, and Lucky Bear. Alrighty, then." he whispered to himself. _'Tyson would get a kick out of these.' _

"Freeze!" Max heard, and Max froze in his spot. He turned around slowly to see Kai sitting up in his bed.

"K-Kai! I, I can explain." Max stuttered. Strangely, the boy seemed to have no response. Instead, Kai fell out of bed and began snoring on the floor. He was only sleep-talking.

Not wanting to get caught, Max darted out into the hallway. "Phase two complete. Phase three initiated." he giggled irresistibly. Max walked quietly down the stairs, past the living room, into a second hallway, and then to Rei's room. No sound came from the room except a gentle snoring. Max grinned and invited himself inside.

He took out his trusty flashlight and shone in around the room. A small wooden dresser reflected the light's beam and Max tiptoed over to it. The first drawer held shirts, the second pants, and the third, well, you know.

"Oh my gosh. I think I've seen just about everything." Max held up several boxers, with _hearts_ on them. Not wanting to delay his ultimate mission, he snuck out of the room and to the front door. It squeaked a little as it opened but Max didn't fret. He was positive that no one would hear it.

By now, the moon was on the other side of the sky, sinking slowly. He didn't have much time. Max hefted himself into the large oak tree in front of Tyson's house. He unzipped his backpack, pulled out several assorted pairs of boxers and underwear and stapled them shut except for a small opening in the top. Then, he proceeded to stuff marshmallows into each pair until they bulged. Max climbed even higher into the tree, hanging every single pair on a different branch. _'Perfect!'_ he thought as his watch bleeped. Five-o-clock. _'Fifteen more minutes until Rei wakes up.'_

Max stuck his hand inside his backpack and felt around. His hand hit something hard, and Max pulled out... a bar-b-q lighter. Ten minutes later, Max scrambled down the tree to admire his handiwork. The yard was filled with bright orange light as all the undergarments burned brightly on the tree. The smell of toasting marshmallows filled the air.

Max laughed hysterically and pulled out a pair of his own plain white underwear. He jammed them down on his head and began skipping around the tree, singing the theme song from Barney

"What in the hell is going on!" Rei's eyes opened wide at the sight of his heart-covered underwear on fire. Then he spotted Max, skipping merrily around the tree.

Kai and Tyson were immediately awakened by Rei's angry roar and came running outside. Three pajama clad boys stood out by the tree, watching a dozen or so balls of flame. Suddenly, a large, thick, white mass plopped onto the ground near the small group.

"That doesn't look right." grinned Kai. The others just stared.

**End! Well, what do you think? I am not so sure that this was as funny as the last chapter, but it's a partially true story for me. That's what our girl scout troop did to the junior scouts at the camping trip. We also started a bonfire, had a shaving cream fight, and ran around screaming like a bunch of sugar high idiots. It was awesome! R and R. ( I think I'll need at least four reviews for me to start on chapter 3.)**


	3. Catnip

**Hello again. It's time for chapter three. If anyone wants to know, my next victim of insanity is Rei Kon. I finally got to watch Hide and Seek. It was...okay. Four whole reviews. That is just, awesome! You guys rock!**

**MoonWarrior12: You don't have to wait because I just updated. Read and enjoy.**

**BeyMistress05: I guess it'll have to be contagious in this story.** **Hope you like this chapter.**

**Starry Sun: Wow! Thanks for the comment and the suggestion. I shall do my very best in this chapter. Hope you like it.**

**Prisca-Angel: Well, I hope this chapter is funnier than the last one. (I think it is). I hope it is too.**

**Disclaimer: (not a person, in caseanyone was wondering)Only in my dreams...**

**Chapter 3: Catnip**

Not wanting to call the fire department for fear of embarrassment, among other reasons, Rei and Tyson simply waited for the underwear to burn themselves out. In the meantime, Kai saw Max and recognized the song he was singing. He ran over and joined Max in his brutal mutilation of the Barney song.

Tyson and Rei looked at each other with unreadable expressions. It was so quiet, you could almost hear the wheels cranking inside Rei's head as he tried desperately to understand what was happening to his friends.

Half an hour later, the marshmallow filled undies had all dropped from the tree and although several were still smoldering, Rei picked them up with a rake and put them in a trash can.

"I don't know what Max and Kai are coming to. They seem so..." Rei was lost.

"Childish." Tyson finished for him. They glanced warily at the duo now chasing each other happily all over the yard.

"I've got no idea what's wrong with them." Rei heaved a sigh.

"Maybe it's just stress." the blue haired teen suggested. They walked inside without another word, deciding it would be best to leave the two hyperactive boys out of the house.

Rei went into the living room to have a cup of hot tea, trying to relax. Suddenly he sneezed. Five seconds later he sneezed again, and then again, and then again. _'What the heck?' _Rei wondered.

"Two, three, four." Rei heard a voice. He peered down to see Max and Kaisitting on the floor and counting his sneezes with their fingers. Rei sneezed again.

"Five!" Kai declared gleefully, holding up four digits.

"Alright." Rei said stuffily (like when you have a cold). "There is something in this house that I am allergic to, and the only thing I can think of is a cat. Where is it?" Rei demanded.

The two boys sitting before Rei looked at him solemnly.

"We don't know." the pair said guiltily as Rei sneezed again.

"Guys! I'm home with that cat food and stuff you wanted." Tyson walked into the living room and dropped a huge back of cat supplies. Then he saw Rei staring angrily at him.

"I'm allergic to cats." he hissed.

"They paid me." Tyson pointed to Kai and Max who were now pulling things out of the bag at an unbelievable speed. (considering their minds had magically been reduced to the equivalent of a seven year old's).

Just then Rei's face twitched a little as the two boys on the floor pulled out a clear plastic bag. His ears moved and then, with a small poof, turned into long pointy cat ears. They swivelled back and forth. A large, poofy cat tail sprouted from Rei's backside and tiny fangs appeared.

He tried to move his mouth but all that came out was a meow. Fur began to grow all over him, he shrunk down to the size of a kitten, and mewed softly. He was covered in a pile of clothes that had once fit him. He batted at the cloth playfully until Tyson lifted it up off of him.

"Isn't he cute!" exclaimed Tyson, rubbing behind one ear. A deep rumbling came from Rei the kitten.

"He's purring. Can we keep him?" Max and Kai begged.

"It's not like we could get rid of him. Somewhere in that cat is Rei." Tyson replied in an awed voice, still amazed at the event the event that had just transpired.

"What exactly did you take out of the bag before he turned into a cat?" he asked curiously.

"This." Kai said proudly and held up a bag of, you guessed it, catnip.

"Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to buy that stuff. Speaking of, there must've been another cat or kitten here for you guys to get it all. Where is it?"

As if in response to Tyson's question, a small, black and white kitten emerged from behind a couch.

"Meow." it rolled over on its back, telling all three that it was a female.

Rei the kitten walked over to her and sniffed her face. Then he walked over to Kai was and rubbed his neck against the bag of catnip. Kai laughed and put some of the catnip inside a little ball. Minutes later, Rei Rei (as they had deemed their formerly human friend) and Mariah, the female kitten were friskily pawing it back and forth.

"Why Mariah?" Tyson had asked.

"Because Rei Rei likes Mariah and they should be together." Max answered with a grave expression on his face.

Just then Rei Rei stopped and walked over to Tyson's shoe. He lifted his leg and a small stream of yellow shot out onto the shoe. Kai and Max giggled slightly before returning their attention to Mariah.

Tyson sighed and went to go find some napkins to wipe it up.

"This is going to be a long, long day." he muttered.

**The end! I seriously think this was funny, but don't judge my sense of humor. (Its horrible. I could think pudding was funny if someone said that word) Read and review! (Five this time) Well, Rei is a cat, Kai and Max have been reduced to pipsqueaks, and poor Tyson is the only one left normal. That will soon change, however. He he he.**


	4. Tala

**Welcome to chapter four of Beans. I'm sorry I haven't updated in like forever but with school and all, I just haven't had time. I decided to type up this chapter today because I need to before I forget. My memory is nada. Zero. Zilch. Nothing. The big 0. Here you go. Oh, and by the way. This chapter is dedicated to FireballAmi for her sincerely kind, wonderful and funny reviews. Thanks Ami!**

**Kimpossible423: Two reviews! I'm flattered. Catnip can do strange things, my friend. Very strange things. (I guess he is allergic to himself.)**

**MoonWarrior12: No! You can't die because I just wrote another chapter and I don't wanna be sued. I think it's a word, but I could be wrong.**

**Astera Snape: That's good. (Can't have any casualties). Poor, poor Tyson won't know what hit him. **

**CrimsonSkye06: I did get it, but not until after I posted the chapter up. Sorry! Here is the next chappie so R & R.**

**Ku: Read and Enjoy!**

**Dear disclaimer,**

**I want you to know that I do not own beyblades. Satisfied now? Good!**

**Chapter 4: **

With Rei as a kitten, and Max and Kai temporarily insane, poor Tyson was bored out of his mind. The only thing he did to keep himself from going coo-coo himself was smacking his head against a wall. It was only a matter of time before a large, purplish-blue bruiseappeared on his forehead. Kai and Max seemed to think it was a button and kept pushing on it. They screamed and took off as Tyson turned around angrily. You see, this was the fifty fifth time this had happened and he was getting extremely annoyed.

Rei was happily playing with Mariah on the living room floor. They were busily batting the catnip ball back and forth.

'_I know! I'll call Tala and see if he can come for a beybattle. That'll take my mind off of things.'_

Tyson said to himself.

He quickly found Kenny's laptop. He remembered asking Kenny if he could borrow it.

"What for?" the shrimpy boy had asked.

"Nothing really. I just want to have a look at it." Tyson said simply.

"Well, alright. But if one circuit is out of place when I get Dizzi back, I am going to kill you." Kenny said while pushing up his glasses. The threat sounded strange coming from him and Tyson had to stifle several bouts of laughter.

'_Heh. I'm not as dumb as think I am.' _Tyson thought to himself as he easily worked around the password and security system. He connected to the internet and popped his knuckles. His fingers pressed the keys, clicking them loudly. Several clacks of the mouse, and then a vociferous bout of typing ensued . After several hours, he sat back and wiped sweat from his forehead. Hacking into Voltaire's high-security computer files wasn't easy.

He searched several files, found what he wanted, and disconnected from the internet. He grabbed a cordless phone and dialed the number scrawled across a piece of paper.

Several rings were shortly followed by the mechanical voice of an answering machine.

"Please leave a message." it demanded coldly.

"Tala Inovav. Get you ass on the phone. I know you're there..." Tyson continued to rant and rave, so the almost imperceptible click of someone picking up the phone went unheard until...

"Tyson! Shut the hell up. You're going to blow my ears off if you talk any louder." yelled Tala crossly.

"Hey Tala. I haven't heard from you in a long time. It's been a while." Tyson replied happily.

"It has, hasn't it?" asked Tala.

"Yeah."

"Do the others know anything about our friendship?" he questioned seriously. He was not about to tell the other team members that Tyson had been his childhood friend since practically birth.

"Tala. We're practically brothers. No, they don't. Anyways, Kai has gone crazy, Max has gone crazy, and Rei turned into a cat. I'll go insane soon if I don't do anything so I want you to come over here for a beybattle."

"I guess it's a good thing I haven't gone back to Russia yet. I'll be there in a little bit." Tala said and hung up the phone. He sighed. Tyson could be such a pain, but if there was one person you could trust, it was him.

Tyson placed the phone on the receiver and stood up. Just then...

"Come on and find us!" called two voices from upstairs.

"Why those little!" Tyson thought. As much as he hated to admit it, he was thoroughly pissed off at Max's and Kai's behavior. His brain hadn't even wanted to come close to solving Rei's sudden evolution into a cat.

Tyson stalked up the stairs, taking the steps three at a time. He went to pick up his left foot and realized that he was stepping on his shoelace. Before he could catch his balance, he flew backwards and landed hard on his bottom on the floor below. He saw stars and then the whole world went black.

Tala shifted his light jacket uncomfortably. He'd rather have just gone without it, but he remembered what had happened the last time. Tyson had freaked because he was walking around in 40 degree weather in jeans and a black t shirt.

He supposed that he should've worn at least long sleeves, but he was used to the cold and it didn't really bother him. He walked down the street, a bit of red hair falling down over his face. Annoyed, he stuck out his bottom lip and blew upwards. The stubborn red lock refused to move so Tala grabbed it with his hand and shoved it to the side.

'_I'm getting a bad feeling about this. Maybe I should just head back. No. Tyson bored is one of the scariest things I have ever seen. I remember the last time that happened. Kai, Rei, and Max had to hold him down to prevent him from lighting another paper towel roll soldier on fire and flushing it down the toilet bowl.'_

Tala came to an abrupt stop when he subconsciously realized that he had been standing at the Granger's doorstep for nearly three minutes.He shook his head and rested his hand on the doorknob. He took a deep breath and opened the door cautiously. After he was neither blown up nor run over, he decided it was safe to enter the house.

He had walked five steps when he stepped on something soft. He looked down and saw a pile of clothes. Tyson's clothes. _'Oh shit. What the hell is he doing? Walking around naked?' _Tala thought. He barely managed to suppress a yelp as the pile of clothes moved.

A huge head full of dark blue hair popped out from a way-too-big shirt. Large grey eyes stared happily at him. A small boy's body followed briefly, which would of been naked except for the now enormous pair of underwear covering his legs.

"Hello. Me Tyson. Me four whole years old." the miniature Tyson said.

"Oh God. Tyson's been chibified." Tala said out loud, ignorant of the fact that he had sworn in front of a "walking, talking radio" a.k.a Tyson.

He passed out cold onto the floor. The last thing he heard was Tyson laugh and call Max and Kai.

When Tala reawakened and opened his eyes, he noticed that the world was upside-down. He closed his eyes, shook his head, and reopened them._ 'What in the hell?' _Tala asked himself. He felt himself moving and glanced towards his feet. A rope bound them together tightly at the ankles. The rope itself was tied to a coat rack fastened with a large amount of Super-Super Glue Adhesive. He also noticed that both of his arms had been tied behind his back while a piece of rope attached to it was tied securely to the floor.

He heard a small,semi-maniacal laugh and turned to see Max, Kai, and Tyson, grinning evilly. Tyson was dressed in a gigantic shirt that trailed to the floor. Max and Kai seemed to have no problem whatsoever with the slightly smaller version of Tyson. They chuckled again and Kai pulled out a wagon filled with lots and lots of... jars. (Hah! I bet you thought it was make-up)

"Ah! Get me down. Get me down from here now!" Tala threatened, trying to untie his body. The ropes held him firmly, and were so taut that he could not even move backwards.

They approached him slowly, taunting him. He struggled but stopped when he felt a blindfoldcover his eyes. _'It's better this way. I won't be able to see what there are putting on here. Tyson wasn't kidding when he said that Kai and Max were insane.' _

He gasped as he felt something warm and gooey being spread across his arm. He winced as they lathered it up his arm in massive amounts. Gradually he was covered in the sticky substance except where his clothes came into contact with his skin. His sensitive ears picked up the sound of a zip-locked bag being opened and tiny objects bouncing onto the floor.

Tiny things were thrown rather violently at him. The objects were somewhat cushioned by the goo on his arms. He sighed, slightly frustrated because all of the blood was rushing to his head and giving him a particularly large headache.

"All done. Now we carry Tala outside." Kai grinned happily. I heard a chair scraping against the floor and I felt the ropes tying my feet together being loosened. I fell to the floor.

"Midget work. Midget work. Midget work." he heard them all chanting over and over. Sunshine warmed his face and he knew they had dragged them outside. The ropes on his arms were loosened and removed. He stretched his cramped arms out and tugged off the blindfold.

"AHHHHHHH! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU GUYS DO TO ME!" Tala yelled. Tied to a pole 6 feet in the air with only his boxers on, he looked down on a smiling Tyson and Max.

"He he! Tala's a birdie feeder!" Kai said and clapped his hands together cheerfully. Together, the three insane kids skipped merrily around Tala. Two cats watched from the porch railing as birds fluttered down and pecked at the bird seed attached to Tala's sticky body. One of them licked its lips.

**I'm sorry. I really didn't get anywhere in this chapter. I promise the next chapter will be better. For those of you who read My Sweet Nightmare, it has been updated. Next time: Tala goes to the shrink ward with the rest of the bladebreakers.**


	5. Its Karaoke Time!

**Hello peoples. So far, here's the story: Kai and Max are insane, Rei has been turned into a kitten,** **Tyson has been chibified, and Tala has now become a talking bird feeder. I decided to change it a little bit, which in all honesty is alot, so it won't be anything like I planned. Reviewers, you guys are awesome. Replies have been posted. I did notice that the last chapter sounded more like a story then a bunch of funny words on a screen, so I decided to fix that. I hope you enjoy this next thrilling installment of Beans. Besides, I'm sleep deprived, so anything is possible. /gives evil grin/ **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my ideas.**

**Slayer -XY: Thanks for the review.**

**NKingy :** **Omigosh! FOUR reviews. I am so flattered. Yeah, sometimes little brothers or sisters can be so annoying. But sometimes they can be really sweet too. Here is the update you wanted.**

**Darkening Daylight: Holiday? I envy you! . Anyways, thanks for the reviews and I hope you like this new chapter.**

**MoonWarrior12: Yes. Make everyone insane. He...hee hee. Ha ha. Everyone bow before me and become insane. (Sugar...I ate lots of sugar). Anyways, I hope you like this chappie. Warning: more insanity ahead.**

**Wreckless Spirit: I kinda lost your email so I can't remember what you reviewed. Thanks for the review.**

**Angel Born Of Darkness: Of course I'll fix that. Read and find out just what exactly happens to Tala.**

**Chapter 5. Its Karaoke Time!**

Tyson, Kai, Max, and Rei the kitten watched awestruck as a huge flock of birds covered Tala in mere seconds, pecking at him.

"Ahh!" Tala yelled.

The four children (including Rei the kitten) sat in silence as the red-haired boy became a helpless victim of the neighborhood area crows.

"Ha ha ha." Tyson laughed. He tripped over his huge t-shirt and fell flat on his face. He started crying huge tears.

"Meow?" Rei asked him.

"Wahhhh." Tyson cried. Max went over and bent down. Tyson stared at him with tear-filled eyes.

"Pull my finger." he said and grinned.

A smile lit up Tyson's face and he yanked Max's finger. A huge cloud of green gas erupted from his rear end. The chibified Tyson started laughing, and he kept laughing until he smelled it.

"Run away. Run away." He said and started running away from his friend.

Suddenly a huge black van pulled up and a bunch of army guys wearing black ninja suits and gas masks jumped out.

"Freeze! You are under arrest for possessing and discharging nuclear arsenal. Put your hands on the ground and raise your butts in the air where we can see them!" shouted a guy with a megaphone.

Tyson lay on the ground and raised his posterior up for the world to see. A beam from a powerful flashlight caused his butt to glow with an eerie light.

"Help me!" the chibi-boy cried out. "The aliens want to take my sexy butt away!"

More guys dressed in black ninja outfits appeared and started running towards the group of frightened kids.

Rei the cat jumped on Tala, who was covered with feathers, honey, and the last remains of bird seed. He used his sharp claws to shred the ropes until there was a muffled thud as he fell to the ground.

No one noticed as Kai slipped quietly into the house and returned with a radio and a microphone.

"I said freeze!" the man with the megaphone repeated.

He gulped as a short...thing came towards him, covered in feathers.

"Ughh...mufflemuffle." it spoke to him.

His face turned whiter than milk and he screamed.

"Let it rip!" Tyson shouted and he let out several farts that sounded like firecrackers.

"Whoo, yeah! Check out that pop-corn fart, baby." he cheered.

"Wow. That was so cool, Tyson!" Max congratulated his friend on his successful outburst of rectal flatulence.

"Be careful. They have a machine gun!"the man with the megaphone proclaimed.

Suddenly, they heard a loud female voice sing out into the chaos.

"I feel like a woman! Dun dun da da dun dun dun dun!" came Shania Twain's voice over the radio.

"Its Karaoke Time!" Kai shouted and once more he began to sing along into a huge microphone And again, he was strangely on key.

All the ninja look-a-likes stared at him, their eyes sparkling with admiration as the once convicted felon of discharging nuclear arsenal sang along to their secretly favorite female singer.

"Go Shania Twain!" Woot!" they cheered and began to sing along with Kai.

Max watched as more men started pouring out of the trucks and soon there was a large crowd gathering near the young singing sensation.

Kai continued to sing, oblivious to the swarm of people that came steadily closer. He didn't like large crowds...and hated people coming close to him. When he paused it preparation for the next song, he saw them

"Ahhhhh!" he screamed. The microphone dropped, making a horrible screeching noise that made everyone wince.

All of a sudden, a huge flock of chickens in bathing suits swooped down from overhead, but they didn't land.

"Oh no! It's the bomb squad!" the ninjas screamed and started running over the place. Ooey gooey white and brown poop rained down from the skies.

"We will eat you and rescue our fallen comrade!" said the chickens. They were referring to the feather-covered Tala.

"Snow!" chibi Tyson declared gleefully. He held his hands out and was christened by, you guessed it, bird shit.

The next thing he knew, a creamy white blob smacked him square in the eyes. He ran in a circle screaming "Ow, my eyes! They burn!"

Luckily, the army men knew exactly what to do. They pulled on their gas masks, held up their shields, and migrated back to the black van.

A huge gun similar to an aka47 was hauled out by four men on each side. It was colored red and blue, with a picture of a chicken on the side.

"We call this...the CHICKEN BLASTER!" said the guys together. They fired and a purple laser shot out, catching several chickens in its rays.

Max, Tyson, Kai, and Tala watched in amazement as the chickens squawked noisily. Rei the cat jumped onto Tala's shoulder and began to nibble at the feathers glued to his clothing.

The zapped chickens were roasted by the beam and they clattered to the ground on silver platters as perfectly cooked chickens. The chicken blaster was fired again and all of the chickens were caught helpless by its powerful 350 degree ray. More chickens rained down from the sky.

"My friends!" Tala cried out, finally managing to get most of the feathers out of his mouth. He ran to the nearest fallen comrade, who had been reduced to no more than crispy skin and warm, tender meat. The poultry..was no more.

"We're so sorry about the mix-up." the ninja with the megaphone said. He nervously edged away from the fluffy boy who was crying over a chicken platter.

"Gotta go." they all said sorrowfully and waved. In a flash they were all inside the large van driving away.

"My friend..." Tala muttered, stroking the golden brown skin of a chicken.

"We need to get him inside." Kai said. He hoisted the sobbing sticky teen up with an arm and carried him to the door.

Tyson plopped down on the ground and turned around, trying to see if his butt was still intact.

"Maxie! I think my butt is gone. The crazy alien ninja people stole my beautiful butt!"

"Its still there, Ty. Don't worry." Max said.

Rei licked his little kitten lips and streaked to a chicken platter. All you could see was a ball of fur zooming around faster and faster. When the group blinked again, the only things left were chicken carcasses. A fat Rei with short paws and a stubby tail rolled across the ground and whacked against Tyson softly.

"Meow." it said and burped. The whole group began to laugh, while Tala sighed sadly and gave his dead chicken one last stroke with his finger. Then, he began to eat it.

**I think this chapter was more stupid than funny. I sort of ran out of ideas, so I made myself think until I came up with this. I apologize if it sucks, but I still kind of think it was funny. Please review. -bottlecaps**


	6. MORE Insanity

**Oh my gosh. I am so freaking hyper right now. Prepare yourselves, everyone. This is an official warning because there is loads of insanity in this new chapter. I drank wayyyyyyyy too much soda ( GO COCA-COLA AND DR. PEPPER ) Cha! Wow...I haven't been this hyper since...the last chapter I wrote. I do also want to apologize for the last chapter. It was horrible. It was a massacre. See, the last chapter is a perfect example of how my normal writing is versus writing whilst I am on a sugar-high. Enough of this chatter! On to the story, peoples.**

**Thanks to all those who reviewed. You guys/girls are so very wonderful. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblades. All I own is the plot. **

**Chapter 6: MORE insanity **

After Tala ate his last chicken friend who had met its demise on the Chicken Gun 3000, he and the others worked together to roll an extremely plump Rei kitten to the front of the house. They struggled for a few minutes, but they finally managed to squeeze him through the door.

Rei slept contendedly in a corner next to the couch, occasionally belching loudly and deflating little bits at a time. Max was playing on the floor with a toy truck.

"Vroom Vroom!" He shouted and crashed the truck into a wall. "Ah! We need an ambulance. The midget people died!"

"Kai. Can you make me somfin to eat." chibi Tyson asked cutely as he walked over to him and gave Kai the best sad chibi eyes he could muster.

Kai, who had been sitting on the edge of the sofa hugging his precious Shania Twain "Up" CD to his chest, looked up and hissed at Tyson.

"Hey Tawa. I tink Kai's turnin' into a kitty kitty too."

Tala was laying on the couch, not looking too well. His face was green and his stomach hung over his once baggy pants. His shirt was nearly a second skin on him and his sweatshirt had climbed up all the way to just above his chin.

" So...much...chicken. I feel so bloated."

"Tala's PMSing."a giggling Max said before he crashed his red eighteen-wheeler into the ground.

The red-headed teenager turned over, accidently falling off the couch, though no one could truly say he fell. It was more of a bump as his stomach met the ground while his arms and legs waved around at the couch level.

"Earthquake!" the blonde grinned. This time he sent his truck flying into a wall where it made a small indent on its surface. Kai merely looked up before returning his attention to lovingly stroking his CD case.

"My Shania. Mine...mine...mine." he whispered lowly and giggled.

A rumble shook the floor and then a long, loud sound like a foghorn on a lighthouse screeched through the house. Everyone turned towards the source of the noise, which came, quite unpleasantly, from Tala's rear end. Greyish green gas was still seeping slowly out of a burned patch on the back of his pants. It was smoking slightly.

"Ahh! My butt's on fire. My butt's on fire!" he screamed loudly. He waved his arms and legs wildly, trying to get to water, but he ended up rolling across the floor next to Kai.

Kai glared at Tala. "Back away from Shania. She's mine!" He roared with flames in his eyes.

Tala attempted to move away, but instead got only closer. He gulped as a shadow crossed over Kai's face. He couldn't see the teen's crimson eyes anymore.

"Fear the awesome power of Kareoke!" Kai screamed and yanked out a pink-and-white microphone with a huge, red, plastic heart on the top from his pocket.

A stereo system poofed magically next to Kai's legs and he popped in the CD. Music pounded from the speakers and he moved his hips along with the rhythm as "Can only go Up" played. And then he began to sing.

A strange mixture of wonder crossed over the group's faces as Kai danced and sang along in perfect pitch with"his" Shania Twain.

"I tink he's obsessed with Shania." Tyson said as he watched his friend belt out the words to the song.

"Kai and Shania sitting in a tree! K-i-s-s-i-n-g!" Max giggled.

"Damn right!" Kai said, not losing his place with the lyrics.

Tala sighed as he let out another loud bout of flatulance and his body shrank back to normal size.

"I'll get ya something to eat, Ty." He said and stood up. His pants hung baggily on his thin-again frame. He took one step forward and they slid down his thighs onto the floor.

"OMG! Tala's mooning us!" Tyson screamed. He threw his hands up in front of his face to shield his innocent eyes from the sight of a hole burned through the back of Tala's underwear.

"Ha ha!" Tyson heard Max laughing and he peeked through his fingers. He followed the blonde's line of vision until he came to Tala's posterior.

"Teletubby underwear!" Max and chibi Tyson exclaimed, pointing and laughing. They stopped when a never-before-seen expression crossed the red-heads face.

"Never..." he started, his face dark red with anger. "ever" he took another step forward. " INSULT MY TINKY WINKY!" he roared.

"Tiny winy is more like it." Kai whispered so lowly that no one but Rei could here. He gave a dirty grin and the cat "laughed" and belched, shrinking just a tad.

His shadow fell across Max and Tyson, who were holding onto each other in fright. They trembled when Tala ripped a lamp from a nearby table and rose it over his head. He approached them furiously.

"Retreat!" they screamed in high-pitched girly voices. The two got up and ran.

"Run, FOREST, run!" Kai shouted as he turned off his beloved Shania to watch his friends flee in terror of a pissed-off Tala.

Tala threw the lamp at Tyson and it bonked him right on the noggin. He quickly grabbed another one and got ready to aim it. A large red bump sprouted upwards from Tyson's head, and it throbbed and quivered in pain. He curled up into a ball on the floor, crying hysterically. Max rescued his fallen comrade and dragged him upstairs to the safety of his room.

Rei the kitten was still pretty big from eating lots of chicken even though he had deflated some. He looked like a slightly-larger-than-average all-black soccer ball. Hepartly waddled and partly rolled over to where Tala still stood with his pants down. Unfortately, he wasn't able to stop himself after he got moving and he hit Tala in the knees from behind. He crashed down onto the floor, face down into the lamp he held.

There was a strange whooshing noise and then silence. Kai and Rei watched as Tala sat up on the floor. A lightbulb was sticking out of the middle of his head. He squinted his eyes shut...and he sneezed.

It was then he discovered that when he poked himself in the nose, he could turn the lightbulb on and off.

**Alright, peoples. I'll leave it at that. I must say I think this chapter is so much better than my last one. I haven't been this hyper in ages. I know it was a bit short, but I would seriously enjoy it if I got some feedback on this. Also, if you have any ideas you think would be appropriate for this insane fanfiction, feel free to let me know. Just don't do send one in anonymously because then I won't be able to give the person responsible for the idea proper credit, unless you don't want credit for it. That feels wrong to me though. Well, thanks for reading everyone. Until my next sugar-high: Bottlecaps. **


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